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Artemis Fowl
(2020)
2.50
1

Plot/Story

2.00

Characters

2.00

Acting

2.00

Cinematography

5.00

Production Design

2.00

Sound

5.00

Execution

1.00

Emotional Impact

1.00

Overview: Artemis Fowl is a 12-year-old genius and descendant of a long line of criminal masterminds. He soon finds himself in an epic battle against a race of powerful underground fairies who may be behind his father's disappearance.

Director: Kenneth Branagh

Release Date: 2020-06-12

Genres: Adventure Fantasy Science Fiction Family Action


2.5
2
2
2
5
5
2
1
1

Full Review Page

It takes them seven minutes to drastically change things from the books, when they tell us Artemis's mother is dead and then it gets so much worse from there. It's there movie, so if they want to race-swap characters, fine, but there needs to be a reason. Ideally, that reason would be that they have a great actor/actress for the role that is of a different race and not because it lets them tick a box. Nonso Anozie is an okay actor, but he is not Butler, maybe a Dave Bautista, I have to believe that this guy can rip people in half; they can't just be a big guy. I am not afraid of Nonso Anozie like I would be of The Rock or Vinnie Jones. They mess the ages of characters up with Juliet being the same age as Artemis and making Short look like a little girl, the sloppily combine the first two books without really understanding what people liked about them, they change characters' motivations and personalities and even their species and so much more. I could spend hours complaining about how they ripped the source material to shreds (which they absolutely did), but let's just put that aside and talk about the movie separate from the books. They start us with Artemis just being a jerk teen that has no idea of his dad's career and legacy and having exactly zero history is espionage or criminal things but at the end he tells us that he is a criminal mastermind. They tell us Butler is this brute that is incredibly strong and intelligent, but we never real see this. There are a handful of emotional scenes that we know are emotional because they tell us they are. They never really show us anything, they just tell us instead. Can I see Artemis make a masterful plan? Can we get a scene of Butler kicking butt? No, but they'll tell us about them. They never take the time to set anything or anyone up, we just rush, rush, rush. It's the first two books amateurishly smashed into an hour and a half. Usually, this is where I would say it feels like they just read the blurb on the back of the book and ran with that, but even the blurbs have more depth and information than this film. Even the CGI was rushed as it look awful. If you aren't going to world-build, at least give us some beautiful scenes. The acting isn't any better, even though we have a few great actors: Ferdia Shaw is comically bad and clearly needed more direction, Lara McDonnell doesn't hit the right emotions, Nonso Anozie is a blank slate, Josh Gad is good but not believable, and Judi Dench is surprisingly one-note. I read a review on Taste that said it fells like they shot the movie as a long trailer and that is spot on. Artemis Fowl shouldn't have had two book in one movie and certainly not in a 90 minute movie; 90 minutes should have barely gotten us half-way through the first book. If you haven't read the book and don't know the story, it's over just after it feels like it begins. Ignoring how they just skip the middle part of every character arc from the books, the skip the meat in-between the scenes. A perfect representation of this is when they have Josh Gad narrating to us that Artemis's father told him everything there is to know about Fairies while they show Artemis flipping through a book of "fantasy creatures", each page being a poorly drawn picture followed by four or five lines about the creature. My biggest issue is how quickly they will flip the tone of a scene. It goes beyond poorly timed joke insertion. We'll be full on adversarial, full on mortal enemies and then <SNAP> "Did we just become best friends?!?!". If you have read the books, don't even bother trying to refresh your memories before watching (which you probably shouldn't bother doing) because they are just going to crap all over them. If you have zero knowledge of the series, the writers of the movie don't have much more, so prepare to be very confused, bored, and constantly asking "Why" both because the scene makes no sense and because the choices the writers and director made make no sense. There are hundreds of YouTube videos that will explain why this is a bad adaptation and even more that will explain why this is a bag movie in general. It look bad, the acting is bad, the story and script are bad, the whole damn movie is just very bad. The only value this movie has is as a "So bad, it's good" movie. if you've seen the clip of Mulch pulling his jaw apart or Artemis getting the call from Opal, you've seen the highlights of the movie. They even have the balls to tease a sequel that has a less of a chance of of happening than the fairy world being exposed in our world. If you want a few laughs at the expense of a bad movie, go for it, but if you are an Artemis Fowl fan or want to watch an actual movie with film making value, run far away.

By : Greg Mueller | Date : 3 years ago




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