Review:

Putting aside the absolute bastardization of the comics (especially the Skrulls, who have damn near limitless potential), Captain Marvel is still the second worst MCU movie; two hours of bland, poorly acted Girl Power being hammered into your head over and over. Ms. Marvel Carol Danvers was occasionally interesting, but MCU Captain Marvel Carol Danvers is a cardboard cut out that they cart from scene to scene. Here, Brie Larson has zero charisma and is a terrible actress. The only other movie I remember her in was Kong: Skull Island and she wasn't as bad there, but still pretty bad. Ignoring all her extra-curricular bullshit, she is incredibly miscast as Carol Danvers and without anyone to carry her through, the movie flounders. Jude Law is a good actor, but he never really seems to understand his character, which is fair; I didn't understand it either. Captain Marvel is a big fan of telling us and not showing us. We're supposed to buy into Danvers be resilient, but instead of building a character, they show us a montage of Carol getting up off the ground. The writers refuse to let things build and grow and they seem to be totally averse to subtlety. Carol's entire backstory is told through ham-fisted flashbacks, mostly of terrible "Stupid girl, you can't do boy stuff; you're a girl" lines. They literally have a douche bag frat bro say "It's called the cockpit of a reason". They won't even put the effort into building the Girl Power plot, instead constantly forcing in reminders that some guy told her she couldn't do something. Captain Marvel is perfect example of what a Marvel movie can become if it gets "too Disney". It's painfully unfunny, even more so than the very worst "jokes" from Thor: The Dark World or The Incredible Hulk. I see people praising the film being set in the 90's, as if the forced nostalgia would somehow make the movie better? People actually cheer when Carol falls into a Blockbuster. There is a stark difference between how a show like Stranger Things uses the 80's nostalgia and how Captain Marvel does. Nothing here feel natural. It doesn't feel like the time period is at all important; it's just there for sad 35 year-olds to say "Haha! I remember Radio shack; that was a store! Oh man, she's wearing a Nine Inch Nails shirt; that's a band I've heard of!" The only things I can give them credit for are the CGI de-ageing (which is pretty good. I even forgot it was happening after fifteen minutes) and being better than The Incredible Hulk. The only reason to see this film is if you want to see all the MCU movies. You learn nothing important to the universe and if it wasn't part of the MCU, no one would be remotely interested in seeing this movie. Being the first female led Marvel movie does not make it a good movie. You don't get points for doing something first, if you do it wrong. I have a lot more faith in the Black Widow movie (which I guess is still on Disney's docket) because, while I'm not a huge fan of this version of the character, Black Widow is a character; she has actual emotions and Scarlett Johansson can pull off great performances. There is still hope that Marvel can do a solid female solo movie, but Disney probably has too many fingers in the batter for that to happen.