Cub

For a movie with a primarily child cast, Cub is surprisingly dark and gruesome. Some really interesting plot twists and an ending that still has me confused. Amazing acting for such a young cast and I appreciate that they didn't put all their effort into cheap jump-scares and created a legitimately terrifying atmosphere. It's in Welsh, so if subtitles aren't your thing, you'd probably want to skip it, but I think it's more than worth the reading.

Ready Player One

The movie spares us from the non-stop reference assault of the book, but lacks the heart and levity the book had. For a movie that is 85% CGI, a couple of shots (The Stacks mainly) are inexcusably bad, The main character is a lifeless shell and the more interesting supporting characters don't have enough screen time. The plot is rushed and the changes from the novel (while necessary) create a chaotic, confusing mess. If you can get your jollies from seeing Master Chief and The Iron Giant pointlessly populate a screen of other pointless references, this movie may be enough to satisfy you, but the plot is very generic, the acting is sub-par at best, and everything feels lifeless. Not terrible, but like the equivalent of a chicken McNugget: utterly bland with a few recognizable components sloshed together to create something digestible but not really enjoyable or exciting.

The Amazing Bulk

Falling somewhere between Mockbuster and parody, The Amazing Bulk is a "fun" bad movie. Clip Art: The Movie has minimal plot and what is there doesn't make sense. The acting is terrible and the effects are so much worse. The Director claims to be going for a Who Framed Rodger Rabbit thing, but in reverse. There aare three real sets and everything else is clearly just pre-existing assets plopped in. The characters run through a terrible 3D cartoon town and we see the same toy store repeated in the same shot. All of the sound is common domain like "Flight of the Valkyries" and "Pomp and Circumstance". If you've seen those terrible Pixar knockoffs like Punch Kick Panda, you have a fair idea of what to expect, What sets The Amazing Bulk part is that they just seemed to pick the first GIF that popped up when they searched for assets. For absolutely no reason, when The Amazing Bulk is running through a field, we see a "CGI" gecko typing on his laptop "I am a gecko. I am a gecko". There a "CGI" dog that lives in one of the antagonists's house who we also randomly see flying through the sky with a cape and sitting in the clouds with "CGI" Zeus wearing angel wings. They have no place in the story and stuck out so much. Is it better if they were trying to make a bad movie? Maybe, but it's still a bad movie either way...

The Cocoanuts

The Expendables

The film is best summed up in one exchange, "How are you here?" "I just am." You have to turn your brain off and just watch the explosions and fights, otherwise you spend an hour and a half asking, "Why did the do that? Why are they helping him? What is their relationship, Is that really how that works? Why are they there?" The plot is nonsense and the violence and explosions are too underwhelming to make up for it. The acting ranges from almost good (Couture and Statham) to terrible (Stallone and Giselle Itie). It's the equivalent of a porno; you're really just watching for the action scenes and everything else is just filler. A 15 minute super-cut of the explosions and violence would be easier to watch. The only true highlight is seeing Randy Couture wear stupid hats. Unless you really like one of the main characters (not Rourke or Willis even though they are on all the posters) or explosions and couldn't care less about the story, I can't see how it's worth your time.

Resolution

Greystone Park

The most cookie cutter, stereotypical found footage movie. All of the acting is terrible and none of the characters have any background, motivation, or personality. The story is nonexistent and what does unfold is boring and way too slow. Not even the cinematography makes an honest effort. The editing is bad and they clearly didn't care about inconsistencies. Its found footage" but is clearly edited with prior events peppered in and there are camera shots and angles that can't possibly be from the characters. They filmed at multiple locations and it is obvious with the wildly different aesthetics room to room and how contemporary and modern the rooms are change drastically. They didn't even bother to explain why the sun is shining through the windows a quarter of the time or even just edit it out. This was terrible nonsense. Clearly, Sean Stone asked his daddy Oliver Stone (a freaking Emmy winner) to indulge his fantasy of being a film maker and daddy can't say no to his baby boy. I actually like "bad" horror movies, but this isn't fun bad, it's like watching a terrible band that thinks they are great and clearly love what they are doing, but it's just bad, so so bad. Jump scares and flashes of spooky faces in windows.

Date Night

Mission: Impossible

Snatched